Christmas Holidays-Reflection

This morning 5 of us were asked the question "what is the thing that you are most thankful for from your time in Holsby?"-a question that is fitting as we are all leaving for 3 weeks. This has made me think about all that God has done in these last three months. Thinking back I am so thankful for all that He has changed in my life. He has faithfully guided me closer to Him and this is what I am the most thankful for. My answer this morning was different though; I said that I was thankful for all the friends that I had made and that is true but even then it wasn't what I was most thankful for. So as the day went on and I said goodbye to all but 6 others, I still had joy amidst the sorrow.

Pain and Joy

“Perhaps no part of the cost of being a foreign missionary is greater than the loneliness. The alien experiences a sense of utter isolation, and is tempted to cling with greater tenacity to others of his own language and culture.”~ A Chance to Die, Elizabeth Elliot

I might not be a missionary but being in a foreign country with people of different cultures and languages, I can relate to this quote. I have noticed myself hanging out with the North American crowd more and more because it is easier than trying to learn the language and culture of the others. I do see the error in this. I love the people of the other cultures as much as the North Americans. I wish to get to know them and their languages by the time that we are to leave. I want to be able to talk to them in a language where they feel comfortable and able to express themselves. I pray for the opportunities to learn.

The loneliness that comes from being in a country not that of my childhood is not a sad loneliness but a happy one, if that makes any sense. It does not leave me saddened at the end of the night but grateful that I have a chance to lean more upon the familiarity that Christ brings. Plus the isolation isn’t as bad as that which is talked about in the text due to the fact that there are 23 other Canadians here as well J

Through all of this God is cleaning me out. It hurts but I needed to leave in order for it to happen. To be surrounded by His words, presence and people who are also seeking Him at the cost of a year of normal life, is an amazing environment to be cleansed. My view of my sin hasn’t changed, it’s just become clearer. The lectures this week have magnified all the things that I have been forgetting about the character of Christ.

Reading about Solomon and David have a way of taking off the blinders. To hear about the raw honesty of both of them convicts me of my complacency. It shows me of the compromises that I have let into my life: the things that I have reasoned my conscious quite on. It shines a light on the darkness of my heart. For that I am thankful.

Including this and many times where I laughed until I couldn’t breathe. these past few weeks have been amazing! I have learnt knew things and grown in my love for those around me and most of all the God who brought me here. I have come to appreciate those things that He has blessed me with and embrace the things that are new. I am content to be shaped by Him and to be wherever He calls me to be. 

Settling in... :)

Things are finally settling down. I am getting more comfortable with my surroundings and the people that I am going to be spending the next 9 months with. The first few weeks were a bit stressful trying to figure people out and create a new routine. Lectures were just starting and assignments were coming in. God had a lot to teach me about looking to Him for assurance and not those around me. One of the girls gave a devotion at breakfast a few days ago and it talked about looking to God for our acceptance and it was a really good reminder.

We have family groups every second Sunday night and they are probably one of my favourite things. We have a meal with a family that is either staff or a family from he community that has been a part of the school in the past. My family group "Parents" used to be students about 6 years ago. There are 6 students and 1 staff member in my family group and we get to do assignments together :) Small groups are definitely more my thing than large groups. We are also starting up book reading groups this next Monday and I'm pretty excited for the same reason as the family groups. Being able to get to know people in smaller groups is exciting for me. You get to know who the people are in a more relaxed environment.

There are a lot of German speaking students here so I have decided to start learning some German. My hope is to be able to have real conversations with them by the end of the 9 months... It's going to take a lot of work but I'm kind of excited. They are really easy to practice with which makes it so much easier. I just have to stick to it for the whole time and not give up when it gets tough. Maybe I will have to visit them in Germany for a while so that I can become immersed in the language and be forced to learn it compared to being able to speak English whenever I want to. We'll see.

Lectures have started and we have already finished two topics. The first one was on the whole Bible and the next one was on the accuracy and reliability of it, and we are currently doing a series on the Holy Spirit. So far the topics have been really good but this last one has been a bit hard to follow because of all the rabbit trails that we end up on during class. We get new seating arrangements every two weeks and we aren't allowed to sit by the same people which is fun. I like it but I also would like being able to sit in the same place every time though. I am a creature of habit.

Travel weekend is coming up in a few weeks and I am still unsure if I want to go somewhere or stay at the school and take the weekend to just relax and do whatever I want with no pressure to be anywhere but meals. The campus is starting to feel like home and I am a homebody more than an adventurer so we'll see what ends up happening.

The people who have become family on top of a ski hill near by.

First 6 Days...

How does a person describe the confusion of being thrown into a situation that is completely different than what is normal? Trying to describe what these past few days has been like is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Normally words come easily to me so bear with me as I attempt (about 7th time..) to write what it has been like.

I feel like one giant, ongoing anomaly. I feel like I haven't even left Canada yet at the same time I know that I am across the ocean. Maybe it's the fact that about 50% of the people here are Canadian or that I have been able to talk to my friends who are at home. It seems like I could just hop in a car and drive to church or back to my house... It's so strange to me. 

So far I have successfully completed a 10km walk with no socks in Birkenstock's (blisters!!!!), a church service very different from home, a day full of orientation, and being hungry every time I go to sleep. It has made for an amazing week. Finding a new routine has left me so exhausted that I have been going to bed at 10:30 almost every night (so strange...). I kind of want that to change and it might as I settle in more and more every day. I have to read 44 chapters from the Bible in order to finish it in the time that the school requires, which isn't hard but being told what to read took a bit of fighting the rebellious tendencies that I have. Anyways... the internet is going to shut off soon so I have to wrap this up :) 

I miss home but I love it here and I trust the God has me here for a reason and I am happy to see what He does with me while I am here. 

Assignments.... :)

An Assignment that I did for school this week...

~Psalm 5 (ESV)~

¹ Give ear to my words, O Lord;

                                                                          Consider my groaning.                                                                  

² Give attention to the sound of my cry,

My King and my God,

For to You do I pray.

³ O Lord, in the morning You hear my 

Voice;

In the morning I prepare a sacrifice for You and watch.

⁴ For You are not a God who delights in

Wickedness;

Evil many not dwell with You.

⁵ The boastful shall not stand before Your

Eyes; you hate all evildoers.

⁶ You destroy those who speak lies;

The Lord abhors the bloodthirsty and deceitful man.

⁷ But I, through the abundance of your

Steadfast love,

Will enter your house.

I will bow down toward Your Holy temple

In fear of You.

⁸ Lead me, O Lord, in your righteousness

Because of my enemies;

Make Your way straight before me.

⁹ For there is no truth in their mouth;

Their in

most self is destruction;

Their throat is an open grave;

They flatter with their tongue.

¹⁰ Make them bear their guilt, O God;

Let them fall by their own counsels;

Because of the abundance of their transgressions cast them out,

For they have rebelled against You.

¹¹ But let all who take refuge in You

Rejoice;

Let them ever sing for joy,

And spread your protection over them,

That those who love your name may

Exult in You.

¹² For You bless the righteous. O Lord;

You cover him with favour as with a

Shield.

~God, thank You for being my hiding place from my own sin. Thank You that the destruction of my sin is

 Not my job because I would chose not to some days.~

These chapters (Psalm 4-7) bring me comfort when I feel like I am drowning in my own sin. It reminds me that I can hide in His presence for such evil cannot dwell there. He will save me when I call out to His name and all that is evil within me must obey His voice. It reminds me to rely on His strength and saving power because I get tired trying to fix myself. I am utterly grateful for the grace through which God can look down upon me and allow me into His Presence. When I am in his presence He destroys the part of me that speaks lies, murders, lusts after meaningless things, and deceives those around me. It brings me the greatest joy to be in His house and great comfort to know that even across the ocean, I can never leave His Presence. It reminds me that my salvation in not based upon my ability but on Christ’s. To know this makes serving Him and walking with Him daily so much easier.

Verses like Psalm 23:1-3 and Philippians 2:12-13 remind me that God is the one who does the work in my heart so that I may want to do His will and hear His voice. He teaches me to hear His voice upon my heart in ways similar to how I teach my horse to hear my voice through my actions. He is consistent and faithful. It is only by the grace of God that I can even desire to enter into His presence and serve in His Kingdom let alone hear His voice, for that I am eternally grateful! His favour covers me and changes my heart to reflect His. To be able to read His word and see how He works in our hearts takes away the stress of having to strive because it shows me that I can never be who He wants me to be, alone, but that He is the one who does that work in my heart. Obedience like that of Noah, Joseph, Abraham, and David flows out of a heart changed by God. I pray that my heart would be so changed and continued to be changed all the days of my life.

Missing the Train~The First Few Days

Sovereign by Chris Tomlin is definitely my theme song for the last few days. Flying across the world by myself; missing my train in Stockholm and then running to a bank late at night in a small town on my way to Vetlanda definitely made me thankful that I know a God who is in control.

Through the whole journey I have felt God's hand in everything. From super friendly custom guys in Iceland to the many people helping me with my huge suitcases on and off trains. Even by causing the ticket guy to give me my new ticket for free when they never do that (he made it clear that he normally wouldn't give out free tickets because of missed trains). Also, He has kept me from getting overwhelmed by the language difference and missing my train (which caused me to take a bus late at night...): He has been very faithful.

I was listening to a Francis Chan sermon a few weeks before I left and in it he was talking about how he knew God loved him because the Bible said but also because God would answer even his smallest prayers. Prayers that weren't really even prayers but mutterings of his heart like wanting a better golf club but refusing to buy one because he didn't think a golf club was more valuable than helping someone else. God then chose to bless him with a better golf club at his next speaking engagement. He went on to say that since he has been "seeking the kingdom of God above all else" he has seen how faithful God is. I have always seen His faithfulness but this summer and on this trip, I have seen His hand in more things than ever before.

This doesn't mean that I won't encounter difficulties, because I did, but that when they present themselves I can trust that God will provide a way through them. It has nothing to do with my worthiness but completely because He chose me for Himself. Now I just have to trust that He will provide the friends that I will need to do what He has called me to do while I am here.